Seasons

I've notice my thoughts and tastes take an inward turn as the world around me does the same, sloping down through fall and preparing for the trough of winter. As the leaves themselves slow down from green, to yellow, red, finally to brown before they wither away, I find myself listening to more and more jazz, wanting more organic sounds to keep me warm. This has been the first year I've really noticed how much the seasons affect my mind, and I wasn't aware of it until the summer. Even then, I figured it was a broader shift of my interests, with only small suspicion that the seasons were to blame.

The winter beforehand my thoughts had been distinctly introspective, mulling over ideas like philosophy and metaphysics, and my place in the universe. My actions were in turn very inward as well, composed mostly of writing and music. I was also listening to "cozy" music (like jazz, ambient electronic and acoustic), not wanting to brave the cold of more outward stuff. At the time I figured that was just my new direction, and I embraced it accordingly. My mind and I were getting along quite well when it started to get warmer, and I became gradually less interested in that introspection I had enjoyed before. More and more, I wanted to get out in the world and turn my thoughts and actions both toward it, away from myself. Not really knowing fully that it was just a circle that would come back around in time, it saddened me a little not wanting to think the way I had before.

As summer came I still did the same things for the most part, the writing, the music, the photography, but they took on a distinctly outward quality. My writing began to direct itself at the outside world, to skate faster along the surface of a given topic, rather than slower diving I had done earlier. In thinking - and therefore writing - one can. I was moving more horizontally through the information "grid", between different topics, rather than vertically into one topic. My music became more upbeat and simple, more about sharing energy with its audience than exploring some inner depth. That helped me to discover the dimension of intention in songwriting, with "fun" being one end and "thoughtful" being the other*. The music I listened to became more outward and brave (like rock, metal and house), since the warm weather and active social atmosphere made me feel I could "put myself out there" musically. Eventually, this started to wane, which I didn't really notice fully until today.

I was walking home from working, listening to some Coltrane (pardon the name drop) and deliberately moving at a relaxed pace when it hit me: as fall comes, the ecosystem is slowing down, becoming less outward, and preparing to "die" for the winter. Once it's "dead", it will become completely inward for the most part. It won't appear to be doing anything, but on the inside it's just going through the other side of a cycle, the side that's below the surface of what we can see. Since our bodies and minds are just as much a part of the ecosystem as anything else, we do the same. It was a comforting connection to make, and I get more excited about each season every year it comes. The way I see it, it's just one more reason to not try and hold on, but to know and trust that it all comes around again.

*Those might not be the absolute best words to describe musical intention, but I hope my meaning is clear given the context.